Alanis seems to be the only thing that puts me in a good mood. I swear, I'll write her an epic twenty-page letter one day telling her how much her music has kept me from doing completely stupid shit. I found this hidden song on her Jagged Little Pill (Acoustic) album last night, after the song 'You Hope' (or something similar.)

as per the journal title, lots of shit is going on in my life. Obviously, most of you know this.

My grandpa's got cancer. It'll kill him within the next few weeks, if not days.

I'm not close to him, but my mother is.

Honestly, I don't know. This journal is going to end up turning into a complete and utter rant about my life and how shitty I think it is, so I'm cutting it here. If you don't read it, I don't care. If you do, thank you.

So, like I was saying, my grandpa has cancer--six tumors to be exact. They're melignant, and spreading. A few of them are closing off his airway. He'll starve to death, or suffocate.

The people on the Permuted Press forum have, as always, been supportive. You guys here at LJ are too, but I try to refrain from posting depressing shit on my LJ because, quite frankly, it makes me seem like a whiny teenager (which I am--I will not deny that.) They've assured me that my grandfather will most likely not suffer in his last moments.

I made a YouTube video questioning the whole God Vs. Death Vs. Pain Vs. People Who Don't Believe in God debate. If you're really interested, here it is.


.Yes. I'm fat. Shut up. I'm on another diet. -_- I also look like shit because I haven't shaved, but that's ok, because I don't really give a fuck what people on the street think of me. They're smart enough to keep their mouths shut, otherwise I'd go verbally apeshit on their asses and make them feel like complete, unworthy scum (which they are.)

Also, I just realized that I accidentally turned the camera off. I'll make a second, longer half to this video and post it as a video response.

Anyway, like I was saying, the whole thing bothers me. I don't believe in God, but I don't believe we simply wink out either.

I don't know.

I'm stopping this here.

Fuck it. Really, just fuck it.